Products

Smiley Co. is proud to announce a number of new products for the home. Our researchers are always throwing something up on the altar of consumerism to see what sells. The following list is just a few of the new items we are hoping to foist upon unwary shoppers in the coming months:

• Vigor Springs Enriched Water: This is the finest water we could find fresh from our bottling plant in Gary, Indiana. We have enriched the water with an invigorating blend of caffeine and nicotine to propel the amateur athelete on to new heights of stimulation. This is the water with a little something extra. In the coming months, we will be rolling out a series of new colors to add variety to the original, unadulterated bronze-colored drink.

• Stringy Drinks: Our researchers have come up with a winner here. These new refreshments are so chock-filled with protein that you can literally see the strands in the bright blue and green colored fluids. We call it the "chuggable" drink.

• Acme Sour Cream substitute: This new sour cream substitute will add new excitement to your cooking. One spoonful will bring a pucker to the palate. This is how you can really kick it up a notch. This fascinating new product can also be used to remove stubborn hard water stains. It is available in pint jars and also five gallon glass pails (labeled as Acme Industrial Strength Toilet Bowl Cleaner). Note: Do not store this product in plastic or metal containers.

Customer Service

Our employees are always ready to help. Just give us a call. If you prefer mail, then please feel free to write. You can even page us 24 hours a day. If you wish to reach us by email, just send your comments, suggestions, and accolades to devnull@yahoo.com

About Smiley Co.

Smiley Co. has been producing fine products for the consumer for over six months. In that time, not a single lawsuit has been successfully brought to a conclusion against this innovative company. We fully expect to have our stock re-listed on an exchange somewhere within the next few years. Until then, anyone who wishes to invest in this "sure thing" should send a check made out to our treasurer, who will promptly send back the appropriate number of shares of stock. Our treasurer is Roland Inda Cash, so you can just make the checks out to "Cash" and we'll get the money.